SLAP!

As everyone's already seen by now, Will Smith has slapped a reporter for trying to kiss him on the mouth.

As a spokes-fairy for the entire FTEC (Fairy, Troll, Elf, and Centaur) Community, I just want to say that I support Will!

Yes, I know he famously refused to do an on-screen kiss when he portrayed a gay character in "Six Degrees of Separation." And yes, I know that Will went back in for the slap after he'd already pushed this kissing bandit away.

But the sleazy reporter's lips did brush against Will's. And who knows where those lips had been? Yuck! I'd be pissed too if I were Will.

No means No, even in Homo.

I think Will had every right to feel angry and to lash out. And I think he did it in an assertive, yet not aggressive way – the perfect balance.

What do you think?

Conflicted

So today, boys and girls, we're going to talk about Feelings.

Specifically, Conflicted Feelings.

You see, while Peajaye was exercising at the gym this morning, a bad, bad monster snuck into his locker and stole a credit card and all the cash from his wallet.

But it wasn't until later, when Peajaye was in the marketplace, that he actually opened his wallet and realized that things were Missing.

The odd thing was, even as he stared at the empty spot where his credit card had been and at the empty slot where his cash had been, Peajaye's brain couldn't figure out what had happened. For a few seconds at least. But in those few seconds, nothing made sense. And yet everything made sense.

This was yet another piece of evidence of how horrible the creatures were in Ghouliwood, where Peajaye lives, and why Peajaye hates it so much.

Yet, the Thieving Monster did not steal Peajaye's drivers license or any other cards in his wallet – all of which would have been huge hassles to replace. So Peajaye felt a little grateful to the Thieving Monster. And a little bad for it, since the Thieving Monster must have been pretty desperate to do such a horrible and despicable thing.

But Peajaye still hated the Thieving Monster for stealing from him, since Peajaye did not have all that much himself.

And he still hated the gym owners for doing nothing to prevent such thefts. And he still hated the city of Ghouliwood for being such a haven for such slime. And he still hated the law enforcement squad in the city, for being so uninterested in doing anything to pursue any matter that did not involve the bloody death of a celebrity.

And yet he still felt grateful to and sad for the Thieving Monster.

The End

Quest for the Magical Crystal Pad (Part 3)

When we last left Peajaye, he was in the Apple Tree, about to be led through the "process" of purchasing a magical Crystal Pad.

So a fine and Jolly Round helper elf walked Peajaye over to the table where there were some magical Crystal Pads on display. "Now what you need to do," continued the Jolly Round elf, "is to type your name into this magical Crystal Pad, and then you are put on a list. And then, when the next helper elf becomes available, he or she will come and help you – just like magic! But you need to stay in this area so that the helper elf will be able to find you!"

So even though Peajaye wondered why this elf couldn't simply hand him the Pad so that he could buy it, the good fairy typed his name onto the list. His was the fourth name on it, even though there was only one other creature waiting for help near the table. Peajaye wondered darkly what had become of the other two creatures who had been waiting.

But soon, a helper elf came by and helped the creature who had been waiting before Peajaye. And then Peajaye waited. And waited some more, even though many Entitled and Confused customers marched into the store and were helped by other helper elves.

Finally, a Friendly and Rotund girl elf wandered up to the table and, like one of Santa's elves, check the list twice. She looked around, and seeing only Peajaye, asked, "Did you need help with the magical Crystal Pad?"

"Yes," Peajaye replied. And then he rattled off the exact Crystal Pad he wanted, complete with the specifications.

"My, my," laughed the elf girl. "It looks like someone has done his homework! Just let me go in back and get you that Pad, and then we'll set you up, and you then you can be on your way!"

"Yay!" cried Peajaye. And off the elf girl went. And then Peajaye waited. And then waited some more. He then spotted the girl elf, holding a box with a new magical Crystal Pad, walking and talking with another customer.

So Peajaye walked up to the elf girl and reminded her about his magical Crystal Pad that she was carrying around. And good thing he did, for the elf girl shook her head, as if out of an enchantment! She then pointed the other customer to someone else, took Peajaye's gold, and then handed him off to another helper elf. This one would "set up" the magical Crystal Pad for Peajaye.

This latest helper elf was a Pleasant Nerdish but Befuddled elf, as many of the Entitled and Important customers clamored for his attention. Luckily, "setting up" the magical Crystal Pad was not Brain Surgery, so Peajaye was able to do most of it on his own.

And soon Peajaye was back on the road again, glad to be away from the Apple Tree. Yet in a sense, Peajaye could still feel the branches of that Apple Tree; they were like tentacles that kept him attached through the magical Crystal Pad. And Peajaye wondered, just what kind of magic it was inside that Crystal Pad. 

THE END?

Quest for the Magical Crystal Pad (Part 2)

When we last left Peajaye, he had just failed in his attempt to obtain a magical Crystal Pad at the Apple Tree (in the magical kingdom of the Dale of Glen).

But Peajaye soon found himself in the Desert of Palm & Springs, and so he called the Apple Tree nearby to see if the elves had any magical Crystal Pads in stock there. And joy, oh joy, the Apple elf told him that they did.

"Oh, how many?" asked Peajaye.

"Oh, I couldn't possibly give out that information," replied the elf. "That's Classified and Highly Secret."

"Oh," responded Peajaye. "I was only asking because I had been told that very same thing by an elf at the Dale of Glen store, only to discover they had none once I got there."

"Oh, I'm ever so sorry," said the elf with a very sad frowny voice. Peajaye pictured the elf making a very sad frowny face. "But I can assure you, if you get down here within an hour or so, there will be one waiting just for you."

And so off Peajaye went to the nearest Apple Tree.

Like many Apple Trees, this store was located in the part of the kingdom where the Very Rich and Important creatures lived. And these creatures felt very Entitled to many things, so Peajaye felt bad for the elves as they waited on the pampered and Not Very Bright inhabitants of the rich neighborhood of Desert of Palm & Springs.

Notwithstanding this fact, Peajaye still felt a little annoyed that he could not capture the attention of any Apple elf, many of whom stood hurried about aimlessly or talked among themselves, avidly avoiding eye contact with him.

Finally, a fine and Jolly Round elf sauntered up to Peajaye and proclaimed, "It looks like you could use some help, little fairy! What is it you desire?"

"Well," responded Peajaye, "I would like to purchase the magical Crystal Pad, and—"

"Let me stop you right there, little fairy, for we have a very Efficient and Technological procedure for handling this transaction. Come with me!"


Things were looking up, indeed!

[to be continued…]

Quest for the Magical Crystal Pad (Part 1)

Once upon a time, there was a fairy named Peajaye who wanted to own the magical Crystal Pad, which was said to be able to perform great and wondrous tasks. So Peajaye went down to the nearest Apple Tree, after calling to make sure they had some in stock, because the road to the nearest Apple Tree was an arduous and treacherous one. And parking was a hassle as well.

After arriving at the Apple Tree in the Dale of Glen, and waiting many many minutes for an available enslaved helper-elf (many of whom clearly had nasty curses put upon their heads, for so many of them were clearly deprived of their wits), Peajaye discovered that they did not, in fact, have any of the magical Crystal Pads in stock.

"But do not despair!" cried one friendly but dull elf. "For there are Crystal Pads available in the next valley over, in the Pass of Dena. I will call yonder and confirm."

This raised Peajaye's spirits. However, after another 20 or so minutes, the friendly but dull elf still had no answer. But then, good fortune raised its brow! The elf reported back, "Yes, in fact they DO have Crystal Pads in stock!"

Peajaye replied, "Oh, joy! And you put a hold on one for me so that I do not travel to yet another destination in vain!"

"Oh, no," cried the elf. "We couldn't possibly do that! You must travel asunder and seek for yourself."

Alas, how could Peajaye possibly trust anything these creatures told him?

Fortunately, Peajaye would be traveling into the magical Desert of Palms & Springs the following day, so he thought he would try his luck there.

[to be continued...]

Coming Soon To Death Valley...

Too Soon?...